"in the world for every man's NEED and GREED"

silent mode :(

2009-09-01T21:06:00.005+08:00

its been a while after the last time i stop here and posted the dull route of my life..
as for now..
im a total mess up.. even me myself cant get through it..
what is actually had happened to me?? i wondered..
i dont want to be in denial as i approximately knew whats happening with me..
i juz dont like it here..
i juz dont want to be here..make it short
i juz hated here..
the environment is such a dull and frustrating..
*unhealthy environment to heal*
i thought im strong but i dont know.........

mybe i guess im strong...or else..but i did go on didnt i??
no one can gave me the answer..
none but juz me.. yup its true life indeed goes on and on until the last breath of mine..
that is the only reason why i want to live happily without worries..
but that is quite impossible though.. unless im none than juz a .....

worries indeed have its good in time and i do admit it..
but i juz want to avoid the situation that will make my blood vessel goes up until the brain and turn my face red and hand, sweaty which finally causing unbearable pain in the chest!
i juz cant take it anymore!
its eating me up,
not once, twice or trice but all the time and everytime!

i juz can hope for none but to stay true to myself and be calm in going through this phase~
at times silent still is a better way in handling things..

~~~should i forget today? or should i not?

2009-08-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

august 2..

should I forget today?

when the midnight struck

I am awake still

but

I am convoyed by none

than only tears

or should I not?

should I forget today?

when it brings me something

but

none than only bitter

or should I not?

should I just forget today?

when the sunset shine

I am in wonderland

you promised me

but now

none than misery

or should I not?

0000

02082009

im movin on~~~ am i??

2009-07-21T21:35:00.002+08:00

"I'm Moving On"
by rascal flatts

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on

first week at upsi...eeeeee sucks!

2009-07-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

goin to upsi..my first thought is totally none then miserable and dull. i hate goin there. i hate hate and hate it!!!!!! at the registration me alone from my frens as my room is at the fifth floor and all off the guls at the sixth floor....the first night suks like hell.. i miss my dad, my bed n family....hhhmmmhhhm... the first day of class there even worst!!! i saw .....that was the last person that i wanted to bump to!! aaarrggghhhh.........

such a stupidity!! i just getting sickkkk and sickening but nothing else.. why does this distract me so much until i begin to hate myself that i once loved so much!! and i want me back..

I WANT TO LOVE ME BACK!!!

apart from the worst and sickening days there, now i manage to change my room to up stairs..which was at the sixth floor....hhoorrrayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!! all my housemate=classmate... and everythg is getting better..

hoping for the "better" to be a continuous episode here.......

question me~~~

2009-06-01T23:56:00.009+08:00

People.. near, far especially friends do ask me question that makes me think twice, and that is incredible as some of the questions do act as the wake up call for me when me myself sometimes are ignorant and unconscious of my surrounding and circumstances that is happening around me.

why that you don’t smile anymore nowadays? who had stole your smile?

this friends of mine is very concern as friends do notice that I am not as my usual self after quite sometime. its definitely feels good when there is still people that able to tell the difference of who you are after certain time of the holiday. I never thought that people will bother about me, as seen that I am not a friendly person in one of the phase of my life that I have decided on. I do not have any regret of that phase of memories except that content with what God had arranged for me at the time. but I still very thankful to have so many good friends around me. it do feels at ease and good when knowing that I have so many that love me when I am in pain. thanks friends.

why are you being so loyal?

for me it is not loyal but more to memories I guess. I am a person who hard to put away matters that once has been so near to me. some may says that I am stubborn, some might called me a fool or maybe hard headed but this is me and I don’t see why I must change it as it doesn’t harm anyone. it’s just me..

if u been given choices, do you think that you will convert?

this friend of mine is an outspoken yet sensitive. she always appear loud most of the time but still there is one little side of her that are sorrow. don’t get me wrong.. it might not be girl boy relationship.. I know what you guys out there are thinking… relationship is a wide subject that involves anyone and everyone that you wanted. religion and beliefs is a very abstract and sensitive to describe about. in my opinion, I strongly believe that whatever religion you are in, as long as your intention is genuine from the heart and true to life, it is more than enough. but, of course certain obligation from every religion is important as the faith in living life. the bottom line is that, for me whatever you do in life is based on your own intention. why are you doing it? if it is for best of all, the deed you are doing is a good course then and if it is a bad deed, might harm someone else and the most important is you yourself, it is a bad ne then. I believe every religion in this big world only ask for goodness and put away the badness for all living creature. the answer is that.. the future will tell everything..hehhhee

I don’t see why people like blogging as I don’t like exposing my own stories to public.

she is deal right as that is her own opinion. all of us have the right to put up their own statement so do one of my dearly friend here. as for me the reason why I like to blog is simple. it gives me the drive to write. and make me realize how do I love to write so much. it brings out the passion of writing in me. that’s all. exposing? naahh.. never thought at all. if I do sure I will announce it to the whole world. hheheh.. but if there is any other home sapiens that feels kind of commenting it is always welcome..

how can you still be in love until now? do you still in love now?

she is a girl that very near to heart with everyone around her. warm is the best to describe her.. her question really struck me as I know that myself has been avoiding this question and pretend that’s everything seems just fine. the truth hurts and the lies even worse.. hhmmm.. this one I really don’t know my friend.. it is all the work of the great God. He is the one created my heart this way, so what else can I say about it. sorry God if it seem like I am blaming on you.. it is the heart matter so the heart is the boss so I will just have to obey to what and how the heart want to feel like right?? hhehe.. whatever it is, I am happy this way, so be it..

why are you being stupid? he is just a moron. get up, be pretty and get a new one

this one is a naughty friend of mine. one the first impression of course people will judge her as a play girl. but I am as her friend who kind of know her…she is very compassionate and always stands by her friend no matters what. that is for sure. am I stupid friend? hhhehee.. no I don’t(mocking face).. I know and understand well that there is still whole load of people that I can socialize with rather than being miserable by myself. appreciate it and indeed I am the socialize girl at the moment already…hhhee..just kidding

I wont say what you are doing is useless as everything depends on yourself friend.

yup..that is a very true one my friend. one should be responsible for one’s decision. this one is a friend who will give you the advice that what you want to hear of. it is the natural her as that is the way how she console her friends. she is a mature young lady and will always be supportive with whatever her friends had decided.

are you crying of people that don’t know how to appreciate you?

this friend of mine appears cold as a person but she is quite the sensitive one.. its very hard for her to express herself but once she does, it was a massive one to all. she rarely gives advices specifically but rather voice out her opinion in a group. once you are really close to her you will realize what a fun fun person she was.. especially when she laugh…hahahhaa

why don’t you look this crisis and difficulty you are facing now at the positive side?

she is so dearly and very soft spoken. any guys who ever speak with her sure cant her off their mind…hehhehe.. I realize that we have go through one phase of life together.. that is how I felt though.. I can feel her sadness from times and so do she I guess.. anyway whatever it is thanks my friend.. it is definitely an immense wake up call for me as I have been thinking on something that I could never achieve. thinking about things that I could strive and achieve is my priority since then. I have so much more waiting for me. my dreams that I want to reach.. hope so one day.. africa here I come…hehhhe

someone just dosent worth it for you to cry for. you deserve so much better. what goes around comes around.

she is a friend that value friendship as everything. if there is anything happens, you can always count on her anytime. she is the one will be the mediator in any conflict do appears especially relationship matters..hhehhe..anyway, she is just a very wonderful and kind hearted friend of mine..

be patient and hope for the best of all. God had created everyone their other half and so do yours..

this friend of mine will always talks about the philosophy of life and us everyone will be amaze of how much mature she was than us all. she might appears as childish but her input of life is surely am awakening one for all without a doubt.

do you really have a dimple when you smile?

finally somebody do realizes that I really do do and do have a dimple when I smile. that is the very first time people do realizes that. even my family especially dad doesn’t want to admit that I have a dimple. ~sigh~~ and until now after the first somebody there is still no one telling me about my dimple.. maybe it had been disappear as I am gaining weight lately..huh~~ lost weight mission will be running soon..hehhee

do you miss me as I miss you? can you accept me?

oh! please help me how am I going to answer this??? if you at my place and had been going through this phase too you surely know how does it feels like right? it is truly a terrifying and hard one.. why? because it came from someone that your heart says no to. sooner or later I do have to answer so its better not to delay any second of it. for the better or worse I know what I want like the other one. but luckily all this going well and I did gave my answer. all the best for all!

why cant you just forget me and live happily?

be off with all the greetings and just let me live my life as you live yours! will I never be happy by not forgiving someone for the rest of life? in the time being I not able to forgive still and in the future, I don’t know. maybe yes, maybe not, or maybe I feel nothing about it. but for the mean time, I still can handle my emotion and I do feel fine and indeed content with my life now. I have grown up and doing things that I feel satisfied with. there is still people who appreciate me, care and love me, and most importantly I am independent and free.

history of life have the owner of its own

sorrow and happiness has been the utmost companion

and the main ingredient of life.

certain feelings and memories as it side dish

will always be there for us to ponder on.

don’t let it fade away

in going through the present and future.

2348

01062009

I am the owner of my own history of life~~~

p/s:

if one day, I do fall for that special one again, I will never change and sacrifice who I am and my root as I know what the best for me and I of course I will never do or act like it going to harm me or others. this is me you are seeing and in love with, so for the better or worse accept me the way I am as I do for you or else we just doesn’t fit together.

me..flower..aaahh..never..hehhehee..but this one is different...i am lovin it!!

2009-05-24T02:06:00.005+08:00

a bouquet of red flower

i never receive flower before
as all known
i hate flower
or its just dislike maybe
but its still not me
the flower i mean
me and flower
doesn't suit at all
never!

today.. i received
a bouquet of flower
red flower
doesn't even know
what does it called

but...
i am happy with the flower
i am excited about the flower
or maybe because of the sender..
i adore the flower
the first bouquet of flower
that i had ever received
for the 21 years of my life
and i love it..
0243
24052009
tired but i am satisfied
with the day.. i am happy~~

p/s: on the may 23rd a group of us all went to one of the orphanage shelter to help and indulge ourselves in the shoes of the orphan at that particular orphanage shelter. thanks to all who involved in this noble mission for making this happen for us all. and for those who donated, no matter whether it was money, the energy, or material, your support are truly appreciated.. only the great GOD will repay what you all had contributed.. thank you from the bottom of my heart fellow friends..

~~the bouquet of red flower which was my inspiration for this post is given by a boy from the orphanage home named zul...

bitter heart of mine...

2009-05-18T21:02:00.001+08:00

sun rays come down as seen when they hit the ground, children spinning around till they fall down down down,

i wait for you its been two hours now your still somewhere in town your dinners getting cold i rest my case you are always this late,

and you know how much i hate waiting around round round, bitter heart bitter heart tries to keep it all inside, bitter heart bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide bitter heart my bitter heart is gettin' just a little fragile,

bitter heart bitter heart of mine and then you come and tell me the same reason as you did yesterday so tell me whats her name. doo doo da dum doo doo da dum doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum da da da da dum da da da da dum da da da da dum. (musical break)

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide, bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile, bitter heart, bitter heart of mine... of mine... of mine... of mine... of mine.... of mine.

bitter heart by: kokokaina aka zee avi...

hhmmm~~~

2009-05-18T20:44:00.002+08:00

*instrumental*

Cherry menthol inside
I find you hiding in my bedside pocket
Come along for the ride
Cola bottles and a sherbet rocket

No one knows, what the
Future holds, if we
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet

Just a quarter of you
Would be better than this empty record
Maybe it's true
You could be as good as barley sugar

No one knows, what the
Future holds, if we
Just hold on, maybe life could be sweet

I am wishing what you're wishing for
And I am hoping what you're hoping for
I am wishing what you're wishing for
And I am hoping what you're hoping for

*instrumental*

I am wishing what you're wishing for
And I am hoping what you're hoping for
I am wishing what you're wishing for
And I am hoping what you're hoping for
I am wishing what you're wishing for

And I am hoping what you're hoping for

nice song~~
sugar mouse by oh, atoms...

there still much more i want in my life.. so u r juz nothing!

2009-05-17T11:16:00.001+08:00

One of these days you'll be under the covers
You'll be under the table and you'll realize
That all of your days are numbered, all of them one to one hundred
All of them millions, all of them trillions

So what are you gonna do with them all?
You can not trade them in for more, no, no

Take every moment, you know that you own them
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you

Gimme a reason to fight the feeling
That there's nothing here for me
'Cause none of it's easy, I know it wasn't meant to be
I know it's all up to me, it's all up to me

So what am I gonna do with my time?

I'll take every moment, I know that I own them
It's all up to you to do whatever you choose
Live like you're dying and never stop trying
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you

All of the moments you didn't notice gone in the blink of an eye
And all of the feelings you can't help feeling no matter how you try

Take every moment, you know that you own them
It's all up to you to do whatever you choose
Live like you're dying and never stop trying
It's all you can do, use what's been given to you

Live like you're dying and never stop trying

It's all up to you, use what's been given to you

live life like you're dying by lenka..

celebration for teachers~~~

2009-05-16T11:09:00.001+08:00

feeling of appreciated
when he says thank you

feeling of proud
when he succeed
achieve something better
for his life

feeling content deep inside
when he nod and understand
the lesson

feeling of care and gloomy
when he is in trouble
his unfortunate life

feeling of angry
when he do something
that harm himself

feeling of sharing
what you can with him
for the better of all

feeling of utmost satisfied
when he smiles
hold your hands
for your blessing

feeling of wonder
with homo sapiens today
he is so pure and precious
why people is ungrateful
of having them..

~~never thought that feeling of being a teacher
for others who needed our help is so fullest
cant even be expressed through words
as it was too deep to be describe
experience it and you will feel it..

'HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY' ~~~~~~

.......

2009-05-13T22:32:00.011+08:00

you bring me tales
like no others ever had before
we are in a road
a road not taken
you and me
different bloodline
which is in a journey
a journey to fight for

you lead me in the tales
full of wonderful moments
and great happiness
we giggle..
and sometimes,
silence plays its part
but still
we are content
with the ways things are

you guide me in the tales
saying that you will there
giving me strength
together we pilot this own
plane of us

then again you lead me in the tales
the tales of a dark alley
when the sword of love
stab on the lovers themselves
you left, i kept on going
you told me to turn a new leaf
but still the brown leaf
is by my side always
as the tales you promised me
keep me unsure and wonders

i am now still at the brown leaf
facing this cruel reality of life
alone and by my own self..
my soul is crying of this massive
painstaking sorrow...
2302
13052009
i hate3 sunburn~~

love you mum..

2009-05-12T20:43:00.001+08:00

Being a woman..being a mother

By G. Nair

An anxious dad waits in the delivery room to hear the cries of his child being brought into the world.

It was a highly memorable experience for The Star's New Media team which was given the opportunity to witness the birth of a child recently.

The newborn baby girl, Nur Daania Iman

Mohd Yassin Ahmad and his wife Nurul Hanani are already proud parents of a two-year-old boy and have now been blessed with a baby girl. As the father says the couple now has a "complete package", a boy and a girl.

Nurul Hanani celebrated Mother's Day five days earlier, bringing Nur Daania Iman into the world through Caesarean section on May 5, 2009. Three generations of mothers celebrated the birth of this little girl – Nurul Hanani, her mother and her grandmother.

Mohd Yassin kissed the baby girl and whispered prayers when he held her for the first time.

"I come from a really big family of more than 500 members and I'm so excited to have Nur Daania join us. I have 11 siblings and they have been asking about her ever since her birth," Mohd Yassin said.

The miracle of birth and how a human being is formed is one of life's greatest wonders. It changes a woman's life completely. The feeling of holding a newborn infant in your arms is something only a mother can truly know, and this happy family shares with us the anticipation and joy of welcoming their daughter into the world.

Watch this video and permit this writer to share her thoughts upon viewing it:
http://clovetwo.com/multimedia/videos/view.asp?id=13

Watching the video made me think of the struggles my mother went through when I was delivered and the further struggles she went through for the birth of my sister two years later. When asked if she would do it all over again, my mother would say jokingly, "Never again will I go through the torture! You and your sister should be thankful you're here today!"

Of course, she also agrees that she is glad for the experience, and wishes the same for me someday. As Mom puts it, "No other joy can compare to the joy of bringing life to this world."

It may look painful and perhaps even frightening, but wouldn't you like to know what your son or daughter would look like? Whether the child will bear your features or your partner's? If he/she will share your personality, or be your complete opposite?

For these reasons, I would be thrilled to create a "mini-me"!

There is no way we can ever repay the debt to the women who gave us life; we will never be "even" with our moms. So every day should be a new day to appreciate, love, care for and devote ourselves to making our mothers' lives great today and even better tomorrow.

happy mother's day~~~

**i want me back

2009-05-12T00:36:00.006+08:00

So you got to go, but you don't know where

All that you know, is you can't stay here
What's left to do, wish you the best
In your pursuit of happiness

You say it's not me, it's just you
I'm the only one, in the room
Asking myself why you have left
In your pursuit of happiness

Happy Happy Happiness

Asking myself why you have left
In your pursuit of happiness

Pursuit of happiness

All the papers read
Happiness is fled
Known accomplice to the sad

I hope you find what you're looking for
Your piece of mind, I want nothing more
Lost somewhere over the rainbows end
In your pursuit of happiness

Happy Happy Happiness

Lost somewhere over the rainbows end
A man in a suit of happiness

Pursuit of happiness

All the papers read
Happiness has fled
Attempted fraud astrology

Is everybody happy
Is everybody happy
Smile everybody happiness

Is everybody happy
Is everybody happy
Smile everybody happiness

Time can move fast now that you're gone
Can't dwell on the past, what's done is done
Starting over again, more or less
In my pursuit of happiness
Starting over again, more or less
In my pursuit of happiness..

by: nuno bettencourt

~ its my turn now
to pursue my own happiness
it seem so easy
from the outside me..
my face, the action and
the me that you can see,
but it is damm hard
the inner side of me
crying and shouting
to find that little piece
of peace..
the content peace
that i am looking for
in life..
go go girl!!!
go and fly to find and pursue
for your own happiness~~
0058..
12052009
pursue.......

~~alertness.......

2009-04-13T22:33:00.014+08:00

something to share

something that is so true to life

something that will happen to us all,

on that one day; perhaps

something that is so sure

something that is definite

something that maybe hurtful

something that meant to be the destiny

so,

live life without regret my friend

2340

13042009

something.......

Her diary of hope...

by: Bhavna Mansukhlal

Aged parents can be appeased with material things, but what they really want is to feel needed.

MY mother’s last writes were completed today. Friends and relatives made their presence felt. As I look at my mother’s photograph in the hall, I feel as if the picture is talking to me. Asking me questions that I hadn’t answered. I can not comprehend the strange silence within me as I try to stop a flood of good, old memories.

Something strange is happening to me today. What is it, I question myself. When my mum was alive I never felt the emptiness I feel now when she is not with me. When I was young, I kept running around her and pulling her clothes for attention.

I feel so restless now; something is bothering my mind.

I have never spoken in a sharp tone to my mother nor have I deprived her of money or anything that she needed, but deep down I feel my mum needed something else from me.

Slowly, I go to her room and gently open the door. Strangely, mum is there; I can see her prayer things on the altar. The smell of incense permeates the air. The ringing of the bell and the chanting of prayers woke me up in the morning for almost 50 years.

Now there is total silence.

For the first time, I see the tulsi plant in her balcony. Lush with leaves. As I look around, feeling her presence in every part of the room, I see an open diary lying on the table. My mother’s diary. I walk towards it, thinking maybe she would have written her last wishes in her diary. I take it in my hands, smell it and gently turn the pages.

She had a story to tell ...

She wrote: “I asked Rajesh to get a diary for me.” Her words ring in my ear as I had asked her, “Mum, at this age why do you need a diary?” when she told me what she had requested from my son.

I read further;

She said “I have many thoughts running through my mind and I want to write them down.”

That evening, I bought the diary and told my son to give it to mum. It never occurred to me to find out what she had to say. My only concern was to get her whatever she desired so she would not nag me.

I continue reading ...

“To my beloved grandchild, Rahul.” I quickly turn to the next page.

“Rahul I love you very much. We all love you very much, especially your parents. And my child, don’t ever do anything that will hurt them.” Somehow, I find the courage to turn to the next page.

“Rahul, I hope that you grow up to be like your father. However, do not make the mistakes your father made. I know Rahul, that your father is a very good man.

He just forgot to do something that was important to me.

Rahul, after some time, a person experiences emptiness in her or his life. Parents do not even think for a second about their responsibilities of bringing up their children but as they grow old, a certain fear comes into their mind. Are they a burden to their children?

When your father was young, he would come back in the evening and lie on my lap for comfort. He would keep calling out my name for no apparent reason, and it always puts a smile on my face when I think of those times.

As I grew older, I guess I still wanted my son to call out my name from time to time. After all, in my eyes, he is still my little boy.

Rahul, if ever your mother or father have no one else to turn to, make sure you are there. Make sure you have time for them.

Go to their bedroom and talk to them. Look at old albums and talk about old times spent together. They will feel good and wanted.

Sometimes hug them as they hugged you when you were young. Call out your mother’s name just like you did when you were young.

Rahul, I remember when your father was still studying, there was a function at school. He insisted that I dress up well so everyone could see how beautiful I was. It was your father who adjusted my saree. The care and concern he showed made me feel on top of the world for days. Even till today, I smile when I think about that day.

Now things are different. He asks his wife to see if his mother needs anything.

Rahul, you might think I’m being petty. You will not understand all this now but as you grow old, you will understand my feelings.

God will always take care of you. Those who take care of their parents will always be taken care of. Your mother and father have always taken care of me. You too must take care of them and remember the things I have written to you.

My child, when someone grows old, their biggest enemy is loneliness. In their old age, make your parents feel wanted. Take extra care of them. Every day, make them feel their presence in the house. Each day say ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ six or seven times because they love to hear that. Sometimes sleep on your mum’s lap so that she can still comfort you.

Now that you are a big boy, remember to always take care of my son.

That’s all Rahul. This is all I can write because I can’t stop my tears from flowing.”

I clutch the diary as hard as I can and call out to my mum but it is too late. I bite my lips as I can’t control my feelings. I realise that I could not give my mum what she wanted and all I have are regrets.

We fail to see beyond our busy lives. The lives of our parents – as we get busier by the day, making a good future for us and our children – are sidelined. Our parents, who have given us the baton to run further in the relay of life, are left in emptiness.

When all they want in their twilight years is to be needed...

missing home...

2009-04-12T19:43:00.004+08:00

getting the mood to study~~ whenever the exam time arrive i am so lazy to study..
cant figure it out why???
i have this weird in me that i can finish reading a novel overnight but my eyes just couldnt stand with the notes for even half an hour...
this is serious! critical stage in me... i have been running out of stuff to read except for all those lecture notes.....
everyone have problems..
so whats the big deal of mine??
but there is still great pain in me..
be strong gul and make your own life worthwhile!
yup i will as my time on this world is just for a little while and can be taken back
to the Creator whenever He wants it...
one thing that ease me was talking to my dad, mom, my sis n little sis and my brother on the phone the other day.. i just feeling to talk to them so i called up them all that night.. miss them so much.. it was felt the most when friends all going back to their home but i stll stuck here...
miss my family...
i never know how does it feel like to be homesick..
but i guess this is how it feels like~~
its like the wind..
i cant see it but i can feel it..

bear in mind...

2009-04-07T20:29:00.003+08:00

teaching and learning is not a journey taken in isolation.......
figure it out yourself then~~

a must watch guys!!!!!!!

2009-04-03T23:35:00.009+08:00

everyone should get up from their bed and go to the theater and watch this movie!!

'KNOWING'.......

a must watch and exciting movie ever.. A teacher opens a time capsule that has been dug up at his son's elementary school and in it are some chilling predictions..

a piece of paper with numbers written in it that indicate like some kind of prophesy of what is going to happen next..

the numbers tell about the exact date and the number of people killed in that certain incident and the exact location with the longitude and stuff all where the next incident will take place.

creepier than its sound, some of the disaster have already occurred and others that are about to that lead John, staring Nicholas Cage to believe his family plays a role in the events that are about to unfold...
'knowing is everything.......'

dont want to say much here...
make sure you guys all watch it in theater!!!
dont miss it!!!
and u wont regret it..
instead wanting to watch it again and again..
as it is a must watch movie ever!!!!
the best i have ever seen so far...

*the link for info on the movie
http://knowing-themovie.com/

my heart beats rapidly...

2009-03-30T22:48:00.003+08:00

can i forgive someone who betray me?
do i have the strength to go through all this?
does time will heal this painful wound?
if it does..
it had been quite sometime..
but why i still cant..
on everything?
because it still matters..
there is still things to sort out...
and it require my whole to face it..
i want to clear my chest on things..
i want my right on things..
i want my whole back..
i want me back
i want the strength and courage
to confront
all this turmoil.

hope to be like them~~~ can i???

2009-03-26T15:00:00.009+08:00

i must admit i am naughty as i make mess of the house cupboard just to find my parents love letters...hehehhhe...

but i really cant help it because as if like i am the one who are in deeply in love when i read all the love letters of theirs..

love letters~~

so romantic of my father for keeping all those letters for about 30 years ago.. and that for me is an eternal love..and hope that they will have their 30 years more of them together.. you know..seeing their grandchildren grow up in front of them and teach them the values that they had teaches me and my brother and sisters..

i love the love story of my parents..so sweet of mum and dad...hehhehe and i wonder do that kind of love engagement still exists in this world we are living in today??? my parents had been so long in love before they get married but still a loving couple until today and forever with the God wills..and i will always have my prayer about that.

but all the letters that i found is from my father keeping's meaning that the love letters that wrote by mum to dad..so lovey-dovey of them...but dad is the romantic one i guess as he still kept all those letters by mum...but mum too romantic as what she wrote did definitely shows her whole affection towards dad...hehhehhe...[never thought that my mum abd dad will actually really had the kind of dating things before....]

never having the thoughts in my mind that they were actually writing to each other merely everyday...mum wrote poems for dad!!!! so sweet....mum indeed do have the romantic in her too...i do fell that they are made for each other as they both just so fond of each other in each
letters that i have read.. hehehee

the last holiday i spend at raub is again the time to read on their love letters..so naughty of me.. i read on their preparing for their engagement.. as at that time dad is still studying at usm final year and mum just only want to reply for university.. dad made a surprise for mum when he craft their engagement rings with both of their initial and the date of the engagement day...so cute....

late of the day after mum back from work i did ask about the ring and what happen on their engagement day...it was nearly moves me to tears as mum shows me the ring that she is wearing..until this day she still wore that ring although it was just the engagement ring..and it craft both their initial and the date of their engagement day... and i was thinking so faithful and true to life my mother was..i love both my parents so so so much...

until today i still in the clouds...
will i have the life like theirs???
will my future husband love me
like dad love mum???
to grow in greys together...

the picture taken on their engagement day....~~~
nice rite both mum and dad... hheehhe...
i love my family so much and
i am very proud with both of my parents..
they are the very best in the whole world....

scary men in the sin city.......

2009-03-17T17:36:00.000+08:00

last thursday was the day when all it started.. or more precisely i would say it was the midnight of the day. everyone is going back for the sem break for a week finally.. and so do i..yahhhooo!!!! cant wait to go back home at raub...hehhee..to my own little bed...miss it so much..people must be wonder rite..as if like i havent be at home for hundred years.. as it does feel that way though as whenever there is holidays i really can choose where i want to spend my holidays.. sounds cool to you??? maybe but not to me.. this situation has been quite some time now as my father had been posted back to his hometown at kelantan and my mum still at raub.. frankly speaking, i do love living at both places though.. for the whole of my life i have been travelling all over the places..be wherever places that both of my parents pay their services.. that is two of my committed and dedicated parents i must say.. they are the best.. ok enough of that and i would be the story teller about it later and so as i am dragging the issue that i was about to bring up at this post..hehhehe this is me..as i started to talk about something i comfortable of, it would be on and on and on..

hold that on for while me!!put that apart for now and we came back to my story again.. the midnight....the scary part begins..

so.. i am as stubborn as i am [actually i am not mum..it is that i know it is the holiday season and it will be heavy traffic the next day and for sure i will miss the bus to raub as i have did the last time and we ended up waiting for the unsure extra buses which only will top at bentong and not raub. more, it will be late night already by the time i reach home and it was so devastating] had took the 12 midnight bus to kl which will be arriving around 5 or 6 morning the next day.. as expected, i had the nagging session with my mother whenever she call since she know that i will be back by bus at night from my dad of course.. who else??? as she hates so much her children travelling by bus especially at night. she made me promised to call her as soon as i arrived at pudu and waited at kfc.. it worries me evertime my mum worn me about things that when also feels things doesnt seems quite right.. and the night was quite gloomy as it was raining heavily which worries me even more.. slippery road...sleepy diver...the speed of the bus...

want to know what happens next???? yup i did survived the early morning travelling journey.. and the real one not yet to begin..

far from what i had expected, the bus really on dazzling speed i guess.. not guessing anymore as its for sure when i arrive pudu before 5 am.. its mean that around 4 something in the morning!! at kl!! the city of sin!! lord help me!!!!!!! calling mum times... what do you think?? am i? or am i not??

telling the truth.. i am not.. i will call her at 6 later as i told her i will be arrive around that time.. and its no point worrying her..so i make a walk to the kfc as fast as i could..the early morning breeze or maybe dawn i am not sure not yet quite dawn i think... and so guess what???

the 24 hours kfc is closed for cleaning up..it was just miserable.. so what to do..standing at the most effective lighting shining at me of course...hhhahahaa.... at least that will do for the time as there is nothing i could do else.. i was thinking if ever there is anyone who came near me or any kind of that, i would just speare them with a karate box...hehheheeyeah it is funny but when the real one in front of the eye i bet i would just scream like the incridible hulk and turn green....

get me??? i would just rather prefer that nobody talking to me than talking to people that i dont really sure the person is in their right minds or not...sounds spooky arent they??

it was just taken my nerves away when there is one man approaching me and start talking..and for me he is just talking craps.. i was just keeping ignoring him and whether he is noticing it or not i do dont want to push it too much as i realize i am not at my place.. i am at other place that is alien to me..but it was annoying talking to him..i keep on ignore and staying away from the conversation but he dosent quite get it, i guess.. but luckily the taxi that he rented came at teh time being and what a relief for me..oohhh i am so freak out for a moment there just now.. and it really so indeed does...

and i thought i was the end..but i havent...ooohhhh.........i just dont feel like talking in front of the kfc, early in the morning, with strangers.. this one was playing tricks.. i can see and notice what he was talking by the way..he was saying he is a teacher, from sp, now on bus trip business an on.... he was not quite direct asking for the contact number but saying that if he somehow have the contact, it would be easier for him to help out anytime...hell no!!!!!! and i was just ignoring him and let him talk by himself and so bla bla....

by the time it was already around 7..so i decided to call up my dad and mum to inform them that i was ok and at the kfc [ sorry dad and mum i lied to both of you..especially mum. because i dont want both of you worrying about me...sorry sorry sorry]

than i headed to the lrt station and continue my journey than not yet to be complete from that onwards...

want to know more??? depending on my mood of writing it though..hhehehe we will see how everything turns out later then..as for now..

~so long.......~~

cohort 5 reunion after ros!!!!!! hehhehe...

2009-03-09T00:33:00.010+08:00

the big huge n enormous yet yummy birthday cake...

thnks fren..

d gurlzz... sumenya cun2 kn..hehehee

d boyzz..buat2 macho la tu..knon arr

we rules d nite~~
all of us..d cohort 5 in one long table..hehhee

d besdy gurlz la of coz..hehehe

* as promised..the uploaded pictures of the marvelous nitezz.. enjoy d moments fernzz.. if gt d time will put up d post on others later..coz now is in d assignmts mode...~sad face~

thanks frens...it means lots to me!!!!

2009-03-06T10:35:00.005+08:00

this year, the celebration of my birthday was totally a havoc one as we as the class of cohort 5 is celebrating it together at one of the restaurant in the town.. its my 21st birthday.. dont be jealous all!!! hehehhheee....

its kind of like small dinner event that we had together.. it was definitely a fun one.. it has been a while cohort 5 gather together since we went for the ros thing. so its like having a fun and happening unite together..the nignt was a blast.. the dinner also celebrating the birthday of mine and the other friend of mine as we both are 21st already on the of january...hhehhe

thanks to all my friends for making this happen and moments to cherish for all.. thanks for the big enourmous yet yummy cake that nignt and all the gifts....thanks friends.....
really appriciate it!!!!!

p/s: i will upload the pictures later k... as the line is quite disturbing at the time being..

real result day!!!

2009-03-02T01:27:00.002+08:00

today, I have just received the exam result slip from UPSI.. it was a little bit of nervous I think..and some mixture of don’t know..maybe uncertainty..why? perhaps because the result we are having in the mean time is all through the sms only..so like not quite sure of the truthfulness of the information. but when madam came in to the class with one stack of kind of like the paycheck slip, that’s it..it must be our exam result slip for the first year first sem… everyone was so loud asking all kind of question here and there. than according to the name list of us went to received the so called 'enrollment' fro madam. all are glad as the result indeed are exactly the same as what we had received in the sms..

what makes me uneasy about the whole thing of the situation is that i am really taken aback when there is person who dosent seem to not believe with my result. maybe because i am not her favourite students so its like a sin when i get some kind of better result. its sad when things appear that way but when i think on it later on...who's care what she is thinking? its only her and not to others. others are happy with all the time we had together..so its just not worth it to be boiled over on that single dots of her as i have the whole world in front of me that i can proud of. i know that myself is afraid of being the best as i will always be rather satisfied to be the second best. dont know.. maybe i think its too much for me to carry the pro and bad of the so called the best.you know what i mean when we are the best among all its like others exception are higher than we are having before and its definitely a burden.

for me i dont want to do something just for the sake of doing it. i want it to be something. the impact. and it surely did for the mean time for sure..hehehhe..whatever la..dont care already as long as i got an A- for my literature...besh3.. anyway, thanks to her as what she said makes me more eager to excel and stand out in my next and forth examination.
that's my promise!!!

odd situation...yet a cordial and pleasent feelings

2009-02-24T21:33:00.004+08:00

first day
with inova i slide to the school
mixture of feeling embrace in me
shit!!
in the front row among teachers
during the assembly

back home at 4pm by taxi

second, third and the rest
of the other day
of ros..
going to school by lorry
and be back at home
by school bus
in the "rough stuff"
together with the students

"good morning teacher"
greeting by the students
teacher how old are you?
teacher why you look so young?
you are the age same as us is it?
16 years old..
teacher what and where are you studying?
teacher are you married?
teacher can i have your phone number?
teacher can i come to your house
celebrating the CNY?
question by most of the upper secondary

"good morning teacher"
greeting by the students
some of them do greet me
"assalamualaikum"
as i look merely like a malay
teacher your shoes is nice..
your dress is lovely..
teacher that question very easy la..
gives us difficult ones
teacher you look so young..
can i just call you "kakak"?
question by most of the lower secondary

0104
25022009
mischievous yet amiable
students that i miss...

the shrink me all because of this semester!!!

2009-02-19T18:08:00.006+08:00

this short2 semester really tiring and killing me!!!!!!!!! tons of assignments, presentation n debates...i am hoping i will enjoy it... actually i want to post up sumthg bout my experiences on ros and others but dont have the time yet..later will do.. nw on the mode of doing d bm pro essay n have to prepare for the first debate on tuesday..im d oponent team with d title "saying yes is better than saying no" lot to rebut of rite???

***a great movie for us to ponder on..."swing vote" bout the drive of young little gul in voicing out her thoughts to be heard by others and most importantly she is a daddy's gul!!!! juz watched it in the middle of hustling on finishing d assignments...hehhhee
p/s: a must watch movie for all daddy's gul... best best best

when one's decide.....

2009-01-22T22:41:00.009+08:00

waiting

why should wait?

when it encompasses only agony

but still firm by the window waiting

why have to wait?

when the calling around

embrace only misery

but still firm by the window waiting

why must wait?

when everything wide

bind in gloom shadow

but still firm by the window waiting

why want to wait?

when aware the act

unify only to darkness

but still firm by the window waiting

why wait?

wait...

because i have choices

and i choose to wait

remain silent in one’s heart…….

2300

22012009

when the night is talking.......

2009-01-01T00:00:00.005+08:00

a new year has come, and so do our lives.. I never thought that me and my sisters had the different childhood memories of us. it seems ridiculous right?? by the time that we are all growing up together. I had come to this realization when we had our little talk together..the three of us and indeed we always had since small. it was fun to have some kind of like hearing the giggles sound of us before falling asleep. I miss that so much. I know it sounded silly since we will always did that in the future but this time it definitely was the mesmerizing one. yup it surely did. we were talking about our childhood memories. you know when we were still playing the father and mother thing and so on. it was fun back then. there will be some time that we were arguing who was going to be the mother and who was going to take care of the children, cooking bla bla bla and on and on. it just keep me laughing to death when looking back at those moments.. me and my sister and my brother we staying with our late grandparents for some times and my youngest sister were staying with my mom for that mean time as our parents is the government officer and they have their posting all over the state in the country. so we had been travelling since small. I mean changing school, having new friends and new home or sifting from the environment around d us has being normal in our lives. we just need keep going.. that is what always come out from my father by the way..and we are just fine adjusting with all that by the time passing by.

somehow it just make us a strong and better family and we definitely want it for our family. my childhood times starts with what I can remember most is when me my sister and my brother were staying at the village of my late grandparents. that was the most awesome and those cant be replace with nothing in the world. I just cant. I mean those experiences with my late grandma especially. last night I bring out the most favorite moment I had was when grandma bought two baskets that contain with the lipstick, a compact powder and a comb in it. nice right?? and when thinking back of it it seem so funny and hilarious for us now.. what a moment to cherish. I still remember mine one is the blue and my sister‘s basket was pink. we were playing with the basket all day. as what I remembered, I put on the lipstick and of course the powder for my sister and pretend that it was nice on her. we were laughing like hell and she was madly upset with me and hitting me with the pillow as I just open up my dirty little secret about hers as I was just pretending that it looks nice on her. at that time when I was six and about turning to seven of course that over makeup or so called clown with the red nose by lipstick was over the top right???

I miss my late grandma so much… its been 4 years now she is in heaven and it had been just last month my grandpa is joining her.. and now I miss both of them. I miss all the time we had together.. I really do. I miss everything that we did together. those moments….and now I even miss all of it more those moments and especially my late grandparents.. and for now there is nothing else that needed as it was just our great moment together as three sisters to ponder on things that we did together when we were kids. just be lying freely on the bed and think of those moments.. the best moments in our lives.. we sisters were extremely close as we don’t have much friends that are dearly to us as we were kept moving from one place to the other. I mean we do have a lots of friends and as the matter of fact we definitely have the most friends from our different schools and places that we been before but it just that we don have friends like best friends that we want to. so when we among sisters have something going on we definitely going back to each other. that is why we are so close than any best friends that exist in the whole entire world. want to know why??? it is because we are the ultimate best friends and mostly me are the super sisters..yup we definitely are. and I am without any doubt that I am going to miss our gurls talk at night because after last night my sister that was after me was going for her study in nursing.. and definitely I am missing my elder brother too as he already going back to his campus last week for his study.. and I am going to continue the second sem of my study too next week as to be said I am leaving home this Saturday to the campus which was the teacher training institution leaving my youngest sister home alone at the mean time with my mom as she was in her form three of secondary school next year.. ooohh I mean this year…

I am grateful with the exam result for the previous semester that just came out recently. although I didn’t get quite yet to my expectation but I am indeed very grateful of it. thanks to all that make it happen for me. i must say that yup i am a lucky gurl indeed... it is true that what we work for is what we get as the pay and it always did. I am definitely a believer of that. God will always help the person who helps themselves. yup he did.. and I will for sure want a better result in the future so I definitely going to work for it..

I am very proud of my family especially my parents in raising all of us.. my elder brother of course mommy’s boy..always had. don’t get me wrong as I am not in the crisp of envy with it. oh yeah sometimes I guess when I was a kid back then but now as we are growing up it had come to my realization that it is fine with me already. he deserve to o and I am very look up to my brother. he is the person that kind of cool outside but he has a good heart. I know him. of course I do he is my brother although he is the football freak. screaming like hell when his favorite team Liverpool scoring and it is the same when it dosent. bizarre right?? and then it was me.. always being the daddy’s gurl. yup I am and I admitted it. I do find it rather easy to talk with my father. he just my man forever. I love you dad!! imagine I talk to him about anything. I talk to him about my school hard question for math which my mother wont as my mom on the other hand will only giving me ideas with my essays. I can talk barely anything with my dad. from the stuff about boys teasing me at schools. of course as there had been quite a number of schools… calling me names, my new pimples, or when I want to buy something cool for myself. so that is me and I am my daddy’s gurl. my sister, the one who will be a nurse someday after she finish her study is a very sensitive one..she is the one who have the heart for everything. she is the most fan for Korean drama series. such a Korean freak as when she talks also sometime she will just used the Korean accent and all kind of it. but she loves helping people and she always did. when she saw beggars, she without any hesitation will pity for them and it even worse when I don’t allow her to gave those beggars money. don’t get me wrong as I am not cruel. hello I have a heart too but I just dosent seem appropriate when we are giving money to those who was asking and in turn we can see that the money was for cigarettes. this is for sure not right in the sense that we were giving some money to them as we were sorry when they might be starve. I will without any doubt help anyone who is in need with all my heart but not to them. and the last one my youngest sister. the dearest of our family as she is so cute from the day she was born. I still remember that I always like to pinch her cheeks and play with it as she was so adorable and she still did and will always do. she was very active in schools, she participate everything that she think that was enjoyable for her and although she seem tough on the outside but she have a very soft heart. she always with mom like my other sister. both of them are definitely mommy’s gurls. I have to admit it there are times I do envy with them being so close with mom. I mean the relationship..yes I do close with mom too but not like them. they can just easily asked mom about what they want for example but I cant. there is always boundaries when it comes to me and mom as I had been too much used doing all that with dad. however by the time goes and we get older day by day I am actually became very close too with my mother and I am glad and bless for it as I do love my mom very much too.

they definitely made us understand all the value of being the human. they had been always remind us that we are someone who just having our temporary stops in the world for some time as the same as everyone else and the creature that living on the planet. so just be good and you will be allright. they thought us good values that to be preach in lives, living in the moderate but yet always having the will for many many rooms of improvement and most importantly being happy. my father used to say that you may follow what your heart says as long as your heart is right and just do good and in the end what matters is that you are happy my dear.. and I am definitely doing what my father said for my entire lives at least for now.. for 20 years and going to be 21 soon..so excited about that. going to sleep tonight we cant have the same three sisters talk and this Saturday there will only be my little sis alone until all of us are coming back for some time off later.. pity her.. I will be missing the sisters dance…cant wait for our next sisters night together… and I miss my grandma.. and grandpa too..may their soul and spirit always be lively in us..missing them so much.. and looking at the family photo of all of us together was definitely something.. that is for sure that I can tell. finally one little secret about us, honestly to say that our family definitely not animal friendly. definitely not my parents. and me??? never. my sisters and my brother?? I don’t think so. I am sorry for that as we just don’t. we are up for anything but when it comes to animals we just don’t.

p/s: I just don’t like animals.

love you lately.......

2008-11-17T11:55:00.002+08:00

You packed your last two bags
A taxi's 'round the bend
You used to laugh out loud
But you can't remember when
You lost your lies
It's like you're moving out of time
And the whole world crumbles right beneath you

So, I might've made a few mistakes
But that was back when you would smile
And we would go everywhere
But we ain't been there for awhile
And this I know,
There's a place that we can go
A place where I can finally let you know

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately
You and me, we got this great thing
We're the only ones that are 'round
We're the only ones that are 'round this Babylon

I hope you find whatever you've been lookin' for
Just remember where you're from and who you are
'Cause there's a thousand lights that'll make you feel brand new
But if you ever lose your way, I'll leave one on for you

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately
You and me, we got this great thing
So, come back and you sit down. Relax
Everything's to see that you've come a long, long way
And it's the place that you should be

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately
You and me, we got this great thing
'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately
You and me, we got this great thing
And we're the only ones that are 'round
We're the only ones that are 'round this Babylon

the return no more.......

2008-11-15T21:55:00.004+08:00

it has been a month ago i since i posted up something...the buzz of life really keep me moving though....the exam still on going and still on the study mood..don't know why at this time just suddenly feeling like writing..i have leave it for quite some time and feeling like i really need to catch up on my life real fast..by not writing it down..feeling like have lost a lots of things..events..and everything that had happen..still the last paper is on the day after tomorrow..

recently i just lost someone that was important in my life..the one that took care of me...love me and cherish me like no one before..he is gone forever..he was no more...never will have the return no more..one by one person whom i love and really love is going far from me...and some of them even don't have the return no more...they are gone into the path of another world...anew journey of them are just about to begin...

how about mine???????

sob.. sob.. sobbing.......

2008-10-15T12:17:00.006+08:00

can you ever with an open heart forgive people who betrayed on you??????? peoples...they can be your friends, foes, relationship of boy and gurl, family members or even just the homo sapiens around you...maybe it depends on certain circumstances of betrayal that bound to occur and happen at times.. yup..its true that forgiveness is hard to be accept and taken just like that or in a blink of eye.. it depends about everything.. the person involve and what they did behind your back...

its really heart breaking when someone you care and close to you did something bad and you didnt even realize it.. must be sad rite.. i mean when we know about it from the others talking... i can tell it was not just sadness. it was devastating to one's heart and feelings..

friends that we care of among us put us behind while actually we are helping to make her wake up again and see the reality in front of her and not just the virtual fantasy that she created.. it was a big relief with all sense of glad that she finally had open her eyes and aware of what is the real matter that had happen.. she did indeed apologizes but what she did and all her lies before is unacceptable..whatever it is as her close friend yes i do accept it coz once you make friends, it definitely remains ceaseless... it is a bless and i am glad everything goes as usual as before after all...

but how about the other kind of betrayal??? it is all about the heart matter... and depends on nearly about everything to be think of..

anyway be aware to our own that whenever we did ask for an apology...be truthful and honest to ourself and the person we confront. fooling around with the so called "sorry" sacred word do not mean a single thing if that word just simply mean as the consoling utterance.. when something wrong happen face it and not hide from it..put on the effort to gain the apology and make the wrong as the last one.. it is even shameless when people say sorry just for the sake of saying it..this will not change what had happen or maybe things turn out worse then before..

playing the 'hide and seek' game around the trees and bushes are fun when we are little kids...but when the game is to be played by adults... it without doubt sure will be tiring and hatred to be played no more... finally, the denial and illusion of the 'hide and seek' will destroy and harm everyone who played it.. because.......

when someone betray, they will always deny..

hidden hopes that wish to be seen.......

2008-10-15T00:23:00.004+08:00

someone ordinary..
a person with big dreams
and lots of hopes
that wish to be grab as the future
with plans and ideas
eager on anything about the world
will it be true
with smiling face awaiting
or will it just fade away
and sorrow are around

only times can decide
even butterflies in stomach
feel the tense of every decision that
to be answered by the person concern
hope had been the faithful companion
dare for risk had been taken
now..
waiting is the only undertaking
that play its own part...

15102008
still waiting for the unseen hope to be acted

trying to get the ideas starts flowing...

2008-10-08T15:14:00.003+08:00

its been some times i didnt write.. now quite busy though..with the load assignments to be done and other things as well.. feels like i had miss on lots of thing as i didnt write what of me of the day to be reflect on.. now only there is time to write.. is actually im doing the linguistic assignmt but take some time to clear off some thngs and thought of writting a bit. if not sure can be crazy with this assignmt..hard la... just now also just only watch the movies trailer of black water.. eagle and flight of the living dead... all nice story... bestnya.. feeling like going to the cinema....its been ages i went to the cinema last time... fell tempted to go the sunway carnival to watch the flight on the living dead and the eagle eye...but assignmt not yet done.... what a lost.... hhhhmmmmmmmmmm.... what to do..the assignmt is the piriority rite... next time la maybe...[consoling words for me]..... ok.. better continue on the assignmt now....so long.......
'colourless green ideas sleep furiously'...

need courage to fall asleep...

2008-09-21T23:52:00.003+08:00

thought of want to write on somethig...mybe 2morrow la..after finish the novel...coz nw still with the notes that prepared for 2morrow presentation...on novel analysis...d old man n d sea...so sleepy....n i want to rest so badly as my cushion pillow n soft bed are waiting for me..haha...i really need the courage to sleep now....so pathatic rite... want to sleep also need to be afraid..crazy2 me... i think it hv to be stop nw as if not.. i surely will keep on talking n rumbling just nonsense... so... so long......

finally...

2008-09-21T00:00:00.002+08:00

in the mood alredy nw...hahaha...the blog is finally well...actually the last two post late last night is suppose to be dated with today's date...but suddenly my blog is sick late last nite....hhahaha..
just only finish the excel assignment...but still got....linguistic...the old man n the sea...wat to do..the santiago is waiting though... hahaha..sosio research....n tmk.... n revealing the worse!!!!!!!! just only being inform that we have to involved in the elt exhibition.....tension3....sabar ja la...

2008-09-20T23:58:00.001+08:00

testing2....whether the blog is well or not today...

2008-09-19T02:48:00.005+08:00

blog ni bengong la... y suddenly like stuck...mcm tkbtul ja... da la date ngan masa asyik tk btol ja...spoiling my mood.... idea nk tulis pun da tkda...dats y grumble n rumbling now...geramnya...tkbest2...

words...

2008-09-19T02:48:00.004+08:00

it is definitely factual that communication is everything..through words wheather spoken..written.. or signed.. we propose or seal it.. we agree or argue bout it.. we analyze or worship of it.. and we amuse or enlighten by it.. they are between us... around us... and within us.. it was such memories to cherish when our parents remember our first words and indeed our children remember our last not much later then...

disgusting...

2008-09-19T02:48:00.003+08:00

i just couldnt sleep....somthg just suddenly came up and it was somethg that make me sick and disgust...it was such unbearable...people action sometimes just annoyed me..i really do not know how to deal with this...it was a thing that i think was not proper for others to know about...should i just leave it the way it was or should i take action on it??? i just do not know...but i think i have made up my mind to do what my instinct ask for.... i have my principal in going lives the way i was now and i have decided to take action based on it so that others who are concern wont experience the way i had now...

mess n fuss of the brain.......

2008-09-18T01:42:00.006+08:00

everyone have their own things to be done rite... maybe they are doing the rite thing or maybe not... i just really do not want to burden my head with this kind of unnecessary mess.. friends sometimes can be burden to me... when things that i couldnt bear happen in front of my eyes... thats it..i give up.. enough is enough..do not to pretend a drama in front of me.. ur stage that full of pretentious doesnt belong here..mybe somewhere else... if someone else didnt told me the exact things that is going on i still can be my ownself but once i knew how the real situation is like and it is more devastating when i myself witness it happen in front of my eyes...there n then i really couldnt stand anymore..my patient too has its limit...

i know myself well... i am a kind of person who cant pretand if i do not like a thing...i will always have my say for it..the person will never have my respect anymore.. yes i do can be hypocrite and talk nice things but that isnt mean i agree with it.. its just i know that sometimes i really have to be that way because i respect others feelings.. that is why i prevent myself from talking much if there is any kind of that situation..people who know me certainly will notice the change in me.. and keep on asking why i suddenly became quite??? i dont want to talk much as if i do only talk nesessary matter.. if i do talk sure the flame in me will burst out..so its better for me to shut up and juz put on the smilling face rite...although it is not the sincere one though.. but wat to do....

arrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhh... why i am the middle of all this fuss???? because they are my friend... but i just do not want to care less anymore... just want to go through life as the person i am....
so long.......

blackout

2008-09-17T20:30:00.003+08:00

research for the sosio hard la... now suddenly blackout.... bengong la... geramnye...tiba2 ja

sleepy....

2008-09-17T15:15:00.004+08:00

reading the old man and the sea.....its just like he is describing on how he fishing only....so bored...if the santiago is handsome tkpala jgak.... but he is a wise old man rite.... but still bored of the story...boring nya......................

hypocrite!!!!!!!

2008-09-14T20:15:00.007+08:00

there are so many types of people in this world rite...there are kinds of them... and i know that i am too one of a kind... but i just couldnt stand that type and kind of people who falls firmly under the hypocrite group... they are just annoying.. i just do not know how to explain about them.. in short i just couldnt bear them. thats all i guess... saying one things in front of us and then say or doing the opposite one behind our back.. that is just unbearable!!! that kind of people can simply playing around with others but i worn them to just dont mess around with me.. if i feel that the flame in me couldnt be hinder anymore... do not blame me if it really did burst out... i do not say a thing just because i still care and respect others feelings as they are my friends.. dont let me feels nothng bout them as if once i did feel that way, i would not have the heart to care much about them anymore..
it is true they can just do what they want and if we as friend feel taht i was not quite right with that we can give our views and opinion as that is what friends did rite...n finally its them who decide it.. that is true and factual... so that is why i will just gave my point once where i feel it is needed to.. the rest is up to them though..
it goes the same with me as i do listen to others view and take concern of it as i do respect them... we definately should respect others who is talking as they want to be heard..everyone in this world talks and do things because thay want to be heard and notice rite.... that is true and definite with no doubt of it... so do respect others first before you ask the respect of others...
so...hello people out there who are hypocrite.... do respect others and dont be people who have 12 faces k...we just live once so do take chance of it to be kind to others and not brings no harmony in the society by brings harmful infection to others...
my friend once told me that in the month of fasting acrroding to the islam calendar.. all the devils or so call demons of evil spirit is being tied and not allowed to be around the humans...so it means that all the actions..deeds...and manners that one did in this month is their true self own doings and do not have any influence by those demons... the true colours of oneself is definately reveal during this month... that is why i found so ammusing sometimes with the odd behaviour of people... i can see how person can became so disgusting in their ownself..what a bad action and manners that have been shown...
sometimes i just feel sorry for them as they are so good in the deeds of the reality world but abandon and neglect the needed and must deed that requires for the world of mortality.......... it is worse for ones who well known and realise about it but does not practice it..dont they even have the feelings of afraid in them that they are being watch constantly by the CREATOR up high there... and one they they will face Him for the evaluation of their deeds....
all of this is just what i feel as a person me alone and it does not mean to harm or offence anyone... as i believe everyone is always someone and i do respect that someone... if whoever happens to read it..mybe a piece of ur comment will help me more in seeing what is the real situation really is.......
so long*******lucky no.7

late to class...

2008-09-14T09:48:00.004+08:00

i wake up late today.... i never been this way before... i oversleep...it is all the alarm fault...hahaha...putting the blame on the poor alarm...actually it is my fault... i know it.. i wake up around 5 somthg for my sahur then sleep again...it was so tiring as the night before i went to bed quite late...finishing the assignment that to be submit today... then what else..went to class late la... my friend did cover for me.. and lucky me it was tmk class.. my favourite lecturer ever...if not sure get free surat salah laku alredy.... thanks mdm.. alredy entering the class with short of breath..then it is the turn my group have to present our presentation... penatnya... nevermind though..whatever it is i still have to do it rite as indeed it is my responsibilities....
this is the little secret of me k... the assignmet that to be submit today is the first one i did in last minute time...imagine that i analyse a poem in a day of 7 hours....hebat tk....jahat kan..da la malas...[kutuk diri sendiri]
that is the reason i cant even sleep the night before before this...i mean the poem should be submit on sunday rite...and i just start doing it on the saturday morning..so it means that i was so worried and couldnt even sleep on the friday night although i am really really sleepy at that time....ngantuk sngt sngt da...cannot tahan alredy...n finally i just asleep n dreaming about the poem...so funny...

foolish me...

2008-09-11T11:37:00.004+08:00

am i a fool??? i just dont feel like living rite now...my chest pain...hard to breath..the air seems like never wanted me... are there any remedy for all this out there for me....although i need it badly now........................................ dont worry i still in control though..i will eventually calm down by myself then...when there is still tons of work to do..assignments n types of it to be submit..presentation to be done...poetry to be analysis....and on and on and on.......

~~~hectic and tiring day****

2008-09-10T15:50:00.007+08:00

yesterday..i accompanied my friends to manage some matters n be back at mktb again for the badminton...i enjoy playing the game as it was but later after one hour of playing i really cant keep on playing as i felt dizzy and like going to vomit....later on only i understand why some of my friends dosent play the game like they used to as they are fasting..some are just sitting and chatting..its ok with our lecturer too as he was tolerate with our condition.. i am too i mean fasting and that is why i thought it was normal to play as i still have energy for it.. but i have to call the time up time to my friend in playing the game after i really felt that i couldnt anymore.. i never felt that way before in my entire life..it was like the world around me suddenly became black and i could not even stand still.. i stop and went for a walk around the gym...i just thinking of water at that time...silly me rite...my throat really felt so dry...rest for a while..we went outside the mktb to buy some food for our break fast later...it was such a huge fuss...just imagine walking on the street with 13 gurls... you know it rite...just kidding..

after all...break fast together.. dont know why although i am fasting but i just couldnt eat much..suppose to be eating like the hulk rite coz hungry and empty stomach for the whole day??? such a mystery...
later on... checking mail..then thought of writing what i am writing on now but the internet connection was inconvenience...so just continue on doing the assignment...hard.......tired.... the body start to feel the pain..my body just couldnt bear it anymore... sleepy.... but the mind still thinking of something else....its been days...suddenly feelings of missing someone just appear...it had always been but this time its kind of like a bit different..maybe bcoz of the situation now is differ from the those days...hesistated...but finally just being asleep by my own....what a night.......

20 years of time.......

2008-09-08T09:37:00.006+08:00

people do curious all the time... do they?? i know i am... i am curious about everything as far as the world have for me... at the stage of my life now for the mean time it is fine to be uncertain..unsure..doubtful..or maybe curious and eager in knowing things that evolve around us rite... it definitely happens to everyone that had been living on the earth under the sky for about 20 years old time..imagine..20 years of time...that is huge man!!! definitely are..time move rapidly just in a blink of our eyes without we realizing it... in those period of time there had been so much bittersweet in lives...but without we knowing it..it is actually just the beginning of our new lives...the living of life in the real reality world nowadays.. there are so much mixture of melting pot feelings in it....anxious of the reality, excited about the new challenges and experience, curious about merely everything, afraid of the new stairs to be climb.. brave to hold the new helping hand that approach....and so on and so fourth...

the youth is the prime time of the species that hold the name as the "homo sapiens"... they suppose really do make full use of it as the time will just across once in your lifetime..if you really do missed it..that's it...it cant be redo or rewind again...words of regrets dosent make sense and meaningless above all... despite all that of having so much fun in the youth...it also brings about as same and equal or maybe more pain of suffering to those who fall in lives at that time...but keep in mind that do not worry as that also will be the best time to stand up and be head up again to face the cruel world we are living on today....the whole field of world has so much more to offer...grab the finest chances and oppurtunity and go for it... generate ourselves with countless effort and hope for the best to came up in the end....... "God will always help the persons who help themselves". so long......

my decision...

2008-09-07T22:47:00.007+08:00

i know i am not clueless as i had made up my mind before everything that seem the worse happen.. whether it is the past, my present or the future ahead of me..it is clear that above all and underneath everything that will always be my choice of my decision..the ultimate of my decision..hope for understanding from others...i do not want to hurt anybody..it never across in my mind ever... am i doing the right thing? am i being selfish?why do i feel like i am the bad person ever here at the moment now..... i really do not want to involve in this kind of situation for now.. i already have enough mess with my life and i am at ease with the way it are now...although with all the mess i am content with what i have..i mean this is my live..i loves my memories and it will always remain in me forever.. it is not that i do not care about others words..i do take view of it..but this is me..living in the hope and what i believes...if things does not happen what it seem to, i will take it on my part alone..that is the risk i have to bear for..if i will have to regret on what i had decide let it be regret of myself alone..i would never harm anyone for it....what most the people that i love..my family, friends and theirs who love me..GOD bless everyone who loves me...i am lucky to have them in my lives and their prays for me... but this is what i decide for the moment in my life.. i hope those who loves me can except and understand it...thanks for willing to bear this with me..although i know some hearts might feel it hard to deal with this...but i really have to do this as my heart is only one..... for the one who holds the key of my world of everything..if the key really do happen to lost.......the little heart of mine maybe couldnt be open anymore as there is only one specify key for every heart of us rite...

i am writing this down as the other way of expressing what i feels and not intended to offend or harm anyone by it...only by writing i can let everything in me flow freely and truly me...as all of it is really from the depth me..that is why i like to write..i do not have to fake it as everything is real as it does...the experience and my journey of life is a reality when it is to be put in to words..i am relief when i write...its like i am in the other world of my own....hope the best for everything...for the better or worse this is what i had decided rite...i had taken the risk of it..the biggest risk ever in my life for the mean time.. so i will do live with it..."be strong gurl in facing all this"....[talking to myself]

abc.......

2008-09-04T20:42:00.004+08:00

I still managed to watch a movie today...it was a Hindi movie..This movie is quite old I think..I had been liking this movie for quite long and eager to watch it again. I had been asking for it from my friend a long time ago but only now today I can watch it again... I am not so sure how to pronounce the title and only keep calling it the abc movie as that is one of the songs in the movie…the actual of the movie carry a title called “Hum Saath-Saath Hain”. this is the first Hindi that I watched n would like to watch it again maybe with someone that is special in my heart…it brings different feeling and meaning for me when I watched for the second time today.. In the past it just bring about the relationship of family, friends and person that are close to us together with each other although there are some who making the mistake in decision...There never leave each other apart even when their own mother are wrong in her decision... And of course the songs and drama in it make the movie enjoyable to watch… it portrayed that love is so beautiful and it makes you want to be in love and fall for someone…

But as watching it for the second time now.. It bring another different kind of feeling…maybe as we are older the way we think also different.. More mature I guess… I realize that love must comes without reason and it is unconditional…if there’s need reasons to be love and being in love even one reasons..that is not love my friend, it will never be… to be in love and falling for someone is a genuine and special feelings that cant never be explain through words…it only can be seen through the eyes of the beholder.. That is why love doesn’t require reasons and unconditional... it make me realize that loving doesn’t mean have or a must to be together…it is all about we want the person hat we love to be happy…some might defined it as the sacrifice of love or maybe some will say that when we are in love we are blind or any other words and saying to define it…for me it is up to yourself as how you want it to be.. while watching it reminds me of three couples of my friends long time ago…it seem so nice and hope to be together always…the three of the boys had make a good deed by having their gurlfriends being best friend with each other….although now thgs is not like before, she and the gurls are always best friends…it was such a wonderful memories back then and hope for it again always…. must be nice rite…….

what a class of heaven....

2008-09-03T13:01:00.004+08:00

there is no class for today at all...dont get too excited as it was only within the class hour...so sad...n the most irritated is that the class of the day start at 1.30 in the evening...by the time all r preparing going back to their room to get the cushion pillow....i have a class. a class of 2 hours in a row n wat is the worse one? it will be the linguistic class....wish me not to fall asleep though....going to prepare 4 the class of the day ever..aarrrhhh.... i hate it...my class of heaven.....

juz thought of having a movie to watch...a movie that i wanting to watch long time ago...but only now the chances of watching it seem to appears.....it is a old movie but not quite old...somethg like that la..n it is a hindi movie..huhuhu...myb watch it later la....wat to do...

study study study.................................

2008-09-02T10:20:00.008+08:00

doing revision on the play "as u like it" alone…as no one explaining to me like before anymore….missing the time when we are discussing on Macbeth the tragic hero and poems…it was so much fun back then…silly silly silly ideas from me…but it still moments to be remember… its good to have that kind of learning environment actually…relax and having some fun but in the same time understand what the main content of what we want and have to learned…but now no more…as it was just memories to ponder on…..sweet and silly memories together…. I am lazy lazy lazy about this Shakespeare piece of it alone but still have too…arrrrrggghhhhh… have too have too have too as the lecturer is going through it in kind of like unbelievable speed just for the sake of finishing it n one more thg is that i alredy lost my jester who can make me happy by the time i am down n also explaining bout rosalind @ganemade n so on..so sad rite...such a forcing mood but still have too…its a waste coz i truly have so much interest n passion in learning literature...y?it makes me think of everythg even thgs that i never thought of before...poem analysis have to be submit in a few days time from now but i dont even have scratch of it...sound critical isnt it???

then linguistic sumore...the worse..i enjoy learning it as i gain a lots of new and fresh input which applicable in the future but by the times goes by it doesnt seem so fun to learn of...the explanation from the lecturer also seem like doesnt sound that interesting anymore...hv to depend on myself on going through it....hw am i gong to sit for the final sem exam in juz only about 1 month from now...............exam exam exam the most terrifying word rite now.....still lots lots more to go...

titas... more probs...the lecturer is not entering since months n months before this until now.... learning by urself again...........no blame to whoever as they know their own responsibilities same as we the students does.....

sosio....ok la....still in the track...with a sempoi lecturer...it is not bias as im in charge for sosio subject k...it is the reality as what had been shown...dont be jealous....hahaha

tmk...the most enjoyable class ever...mdm is the best...the class is alwys fun n relax to be in..assignmt ok..still can cope in the mean time...can learn lots of new thgs bout computer application that never know b4...in short its fun fun fun threre...

badminton...hhhmmmm...whatever la...im just enjoing the game..thats all..for others..no further comments...

in the name of love.......

2008-08-28T20:08:00.008+08:00

last nite went for theater at usm title "in the name of love"...it was a marvelous one n i kind of like enjoyed myself for it...it has been a long time though since things happen....the journey started at 6 sumthg and we arrive there bout 7 sumthg...it was an outsider bus, so that is why the driver kind of like lost a bit...the plan was actually went for dinner first as everyone was desperately hungry...included me too... but then sadly the bus then only went to usm but since we alrey short of time the lecturers decided to juz make the final stop at the usm..the muslims who pray went to the mosque there n those who r not went out for some meal...n it was raining sumore...wat a nite...we have to walk as though we r chasing like hell in the rain...luckily i wore black jacket..if not basah lencun la.... then arrive at the budaya hall late.. we being scold by the lectures...so sad...alredy wet n cold hv to walk such a long way then being scold by the lectures sumemore... the performance by "shbera shaik was marvelous as she is the only actresse in this whole play of three scenes..she played the role of a lady who was being left out from the family when she is old, she is mak su as the veteren mak yong dancer, n finally as the mother who hv big dreams of her daughter but could nv achieve it coz her daughter alredy married...
on the way back they stop at one of the nasi kandar stall as some of them requesting for supper...after all r ready to set off its alredy kind of late n we arrive at mktd around 12....

in the middle of all that fuss.......on the way back while passing through the penang bridge...it reminds me one of the wonderful memories of mine with someone that alwys near to my heart... it was such a breath taking n great moments back then....